Short Stories

Enjoy a sampling of the entertaining short stories created by The Alky Bard.

“In search of old-timers”

The little town of Riverton in the western state of Wyoming in some circles is known as the gateway to Yellowstone Park, Sinks Canyon in Lander and the Wind River Canyon toward Thermopolis.
However it is also acknowledged as the gateway to the land of the sprites, although this is a mostly hidden fact. The town folk are aware across the river, a certain path will take one in to a land where ogres, platypuses, monkeys, eagles, owls and many more
creatures actually talk and live pretty much as the humans do in the civilized world.
For this reason when Everett the ogre showed up at the Crisis Center in Riverton, no one seemed the bit shocked even
if they didn’t care for his odor. Now these creatures normally do not frequent the businesses of Riverton much, for this might
cause controversy. But it is well established that Alcoholics Anonymous meetings do not discriminate against the weird and
different or they wouldn’t have any membership at all, but most importantly they would not have the chance to help people sober
up.

---

Well this is another tale from the land of the sprites and recovery will be talked about due to the characters who fill
these pages. Everett the ogre had been sober for nine months, Biff the monkey almost had a year, Sam P. the platypus had made
sixty days and they had become fast friends in recovery. The bond they shared in recovery outweighed any differences they might
have with each other, thus their friendships amplified.
These three fellow alkies had decided they should look up some old-timers in their land and were on an adventure to
do just that. The ogre had long floppy ears, a large nose, bulging belly which stretched the leather vest he wore and green skin.
He was mostly the jovial type, laughing and being his usual cumbersome self. Biff was a small brown haired monkey with black beady eyes and a quiet disposition for the most part. He had a clumsy knack about him, always falling over things or for that matter into things, hence his moniker of Biff.
Everett and Biff had ran into Sam P. the platypus or I should say, Biff stumbled over Sam on one of Everett’s and his
many adventures. He tagged along with them, disgruntled at first, mostly because he was bored and at least they were attempting
to do something. However in time he came to understand these two buffoons seemed to get into dangerous situations by accident and that was right up Sam’s alley.
Now Sam was like most duckbilled platypuses physically except for his green fur. Of course the normal platypus is a
little shy and stays hidden most of the time whereas Sam enjoyed traveling and was an adrenaline enthusiast who relished danger
and excitement.
Enough descriptive narrative on these three alkies, on with the tale.
All through the land of sprite one conceded if they needed to find out any information about anything they could look
up Simon the Owl or get the attention of a sprite long enough to tell them what they wanted to know. These fellows wanted to
find some old-timers in their area who might enlighten them on the sober life they had chosen to live.
There was much talk being bantered about of two primates in the hill country who fit the bill. Glen B. and Kevin D.
were the names which were spoken most frequently in their little circle of creatures. From what they could ascertain both were of
Biff’s ancestry, monkeys of some sort. You had the one group who said stay away from them and then on the other hand another bunch who said they thoroughly enjoyed living life in the sober lane.
Some said they were a crazy bunch, a few marbles shy, if they had been buttons they wouldn’t have been too shiny, not
a full deck, many other colorful descriptions of them were given. Well there was only one thing to do and that was for these three
adventurous brave hearts to find out for themselves.

---

“I say we go to where the waters divide and we will find the faerie camp, they will be able to help us find these two
old-timers.” Everett liked to be in charge and had suggested the camp. They had been arguing on how to proceed on their
journey for quite sometime. Biff had wanted to ask Simon the Owl and Everett was going to have his way come hell or high water. Sam didn’t really care which one of them had their way, he just wanted to get started. The platypus liked action and these two idiots fighting back and forth weren’t accomplishing much.
“Ok you guys, I’ll settle it. Why not flip a coin and let the toss decide our course of action.” The platypus reached
into his leather traveling pouch for the coin.
The green pot-bellied ogre scratched his head a bit and then his ass, contemplating the suggestion. That would save
him face by not actually giving in. Biff really didn’t care what they did but had been having a grand time getting his friend all
riled up. Both agreed to Sam’s proposal.
The coin was flipped as the platypus slapped it up in the air from his long bill, catching it with the same as Everett called heads.
“Heads it is, I guess Everett you win the toss, we go to the faerie camp. Lead the way you big green oaf.” The excitement rising in the green platypus for now they were on their way.
Before reaching the camp they could hear the buzzing of the many sprites flying about, beating their tiny wings
rapidly as they did. Buzz, buzz, buzz of the wings———and the shrill sound of these creatures as they confabulated amongst
themselves.
Of course the sprites heard their arrival long before they got there, Sam and Biff were pretty inaudible but the oaf’s
heavy feet pounded the ground as he walked and his booming voice was certainly heard. Everett held out his big oafish hand as a sign to the faerie people that he wanted to converse with them.
One of the sprites recognized Everett from when he had been there before and flew over to his right ear. In a sing song
manner she chirped, the melodious sounds softly puffed in his ear. It must have tickled the prominent floppy ear for Everett
began giggling uncontrollably. Sam thought his friend was losing it once and for all but then again he never had a sprite blow in
his ear before. The last time someone blew in his ear, well he wouldn’t think about that right now. He had better stay focused on the quest before them.
“Tamatha you wish to speak,
Around the bend of the river, One must go and peek.”
She chirped in his ear as she rapidly flapped her tiny wings as they buzzed musically “Thank you, we will do just that.” He smiled at her as he motioned to his fellow travelers to follow him.
Around the bend they went until they came to where Tamatha lay on a boulder near the bank of the rushing waters.
She seemed to be sunning herself on this cool, brisk morning of spring. For all accounts the diminutive sprites didn’t wear much,
but who could really tell because of their small size. Seeing Everett and his entourage walking toward her she flew up to meet
them, gaily bombilating around each as a sign of welcome. Flying near the green oaf’s head she made a tweedle sound causing
him to giggle some more.
“Everett I heard you passed the four trials,
Traveling all those miles,
Congratulations to you my friend,
Now once more you come to the river bend.”
“Yes I come to ask your assistance once again, queen of the sprites and truly my friend.” He threw her a rhyming
sentence jovially as he grinned at her. His wide lips parted, his big jowls puffed up as he did. She laughed in her soft voice,
appreciating his efforts to speak her way.
“My green oaf you shall always be our friend, For after all Simon the Owl ,

You——- he did send.”
“Of course we will aide,
You need not persuade.”
“How so may we help?,
Who is that young whelp?”
Referring to Biff who had scampered up on Everett’s shoulder to get a better view. The monkey followed the pattern
of her swift flight as she fluttered around them.
“I’m Biff, Everett and I are sidekicks in sobriety. The duckbill is Sam he’s one of our running mates.” The eager
monkey answered, delighted to be actually talking to one of the sprites. Sam waved his bill at Tamatha.
“We are on a quest to find two old-timers in sobriety, Kevin and Glen. Have you heard of them?” Sam was getting
impatient to be off on their journey, he liked action, hated to stand around talking.
“Heard of them, but of course,
Who hasn’t to reinforce,
Those two are real corkers,
Both I may add are unquestionable porkers.”
She sang mischievously with a wicked wheeze.
“So you say they are as big as, hmm let’s say Everett?” Biff asked cautiously, he didn’t want to offend his oafish
friend. The ogre gave him a momentary stare.
“One could say that,
Or even mighty fat,
Pleasantly plump,
With rather large rumps.”
She delightfully sang to them as she continued flittering around their heads.
“Ok, ok———-we get the picture Tamatha. Where do we find them?” He said grumpily, giving Biff the look of
(don’t you say another word). Everett might be a little sluggish in the thinking department at times, but he was getting the point
of the conversation.
“To find them you say,
Go that away, (she pointed west toward the mountain range)
Follow the sun,
Walk a full day till your done.”
“As the sun sets,
Near—- you will be I bet,
To the old cobbled road,
Turn left I’ve been told.”
“The flowing river to your right,
Shall always be in your site,
When the sun reaches mid sky,
One may only look to spy;”
“The Miller’s Old Mill hut,
The door with the (triangle in a circle) will be shut,
Knock three times if you can count,
Once more—– if in doubt,”
“Here you will find that which you seek,
If it be the middle of the week.
At noon be the time,
Those two go together like a nickel and a dime.”
“That my friends is all I have to say,
May we meet again another spring day,
Two peas in a pod,
To Glen and Kevin you trod.”
Everett was thoroughly confused by this point in time and didn’t know where to begin with this sprite. He looked
toward Biff and Sam for any suggestions but none seemed to be coming his way. All Sam knew was he was itching to move so he
finally spoke up.
“Well it’s all clear to me, let’s get going. Thanks Queen of the Sprites we are in your debt.”
He waved his orangish yellow bill toward her and began scampering in a western direction toward the mountain
range. Since Biff was still resting on Everett’s shoulder and his friend was a slow starter, he pinched one of his floppy ears to get
him going.
“Damn, what did you do that for?” He squealed.
“Follow Sam and I’ll explain on the way.”
The clumsy oaf did as he was told and stomped after the fast moving platypus in an attempt to catch up with him.
Huffing and puffing he finally was walking by his side.
“Hey slow down there son, I’m walking as fast as I can.” Gasping for air as he growled at Sam.
“What are you in such an all fire hurry about?”
“Well today is Tuesday and the middle of the week she spoke of must be Wednesday. So I figure we need to reach the
old cobble road by sunset of today and then we can take a left toward the old mill . Hopefully the
next morning we will be able to reach this hut by noon. We have no time to lose, the way I see it.”
The wily duckbilled platypus had a knack for putting things together pretty quick, Biff
thought. Rather clever of him, if he had waited for Everett to deduce that, who knows when they would
have reached their destination. He was handy to have around, they needed someone to think once in awhile.
“Well yea, I figured that much out for myself but Sam that was good thinking anyway.”
Everett explained boisterously. Sam looked at him leerily as if he had just been handed a line of crap.
“Whatever.” He mumbled under his breath.
Sam was getting used to hearing Biff agree with his oafish friend to please him and thought it wasn’t a bad idea.
These two were good enough traveling companions, might as well get along with everyone. He learned a long time back, he didn’t
always have to prove he was right just as long as he was aware of it himself.

---

They traveled at a fast pace set by Sam for many miles. Biff rode on the ogre’s shoulder for quite some time till his
rump began hurting from the many bumps from Everett’s clumsy stomping, then he hopped down to the ground to scuttle on his
own. Awkwardly the monkey hoofed it, Biff had a knack for stumbling and tripping over pebbles as he made his way and was
soon worn out by the time they reached the cross road. Both Sam and Biff decided to pause and rest a bit, sitting on a fence, when
Everett jovially pounded up behind them.
“What are you two doing?”
The green ogre stared down at the tuckered out looking monkey and platypus resting on a fence, obviously he didn’t tire as quickly as these two. Considering he was much taller and had long legs and big feet he could cover much more ground than them with each step he took.
“We’re tired, it’s been a long day and we were thinking since we made it to the cobbled road we might as well set up
camp for the night.”
“I suppose that would be a good idea, but Biff you rode on my shoulder most of the way, why are you tired?” Everett
was attempting to sort this out.
“Well huh, Sam sure looks awful well-worn so it made me tired, besides the way you walk it gets really bumpy and I’m
shook up.” He squeamishly remarked.
When it came to his friend the monkey, Everett could be most agreeable except of course when they were having one of
their fun-filled clashes. But part of that was a game they both thoroughly enjoyed. To banter words with each other made life
more sporting and besides both thought they were good at it.
All agreed on the plan and began preparing their camp for the night a short distance from the road. Across the fence
they soon had a blazing fire going to warm their tired bodies on this cool night. As they sat around the fire watching it flicker and
dance into the darkness they shared their thoughts, maybe more so then when in the brightness of a sunny day.
“So what do you hear about these old timers we are going to meet?” Sam was curious, as platypuses tended to be.
“Well from what I’ve heard their both idiots, but they seem to know how to enjoy living in sobriety and have done so
for several decades.” Biff interjected as he playfully threw twigs into the fire to watch them ignite and burn away.
“Yea, they have been called many names, crazy, gruff, idiotic, stupid and the like but as Biff said they laugh a lot and
joke around as if they had good sense. So if their not all there, at least their not aware of it enough to ruin their fun.” Everett
added.
“Sounds a little weird to me but then again I’ve always wanted to love life without alcohol, maybe they have a secret
we don’t know about. Hmm, maybe they can teach it to us.” Sam remarked, half musing to himself as he uttered these words.
“I also hear they have a hell of a sense of humor which will do in about any crisis except maybe a funeral. It might
not be too good there. Don’t know though.” The green ogre continued to ramble until Sam interrupted his ranting.
“Well I’ll see you two in the morning I’m going to try and get some shut eye.” Sam yawned as he muttered these
words. All said goodnight to each other then.
As the duckbilled platypus laid by the fire attempting to go to sleep, his thoughts jumped around. He hadn’t thought
of taking a drink this whole day, that was some kind of miracle in itself. Being with two friends on a journey had been a blast so
far.
He didn’t want to tell his two friends how silly he thought they were but then again they seemed to have fun as well.
Maybe he could learn how to relax and let his childish side come out more so he could get more out of life himself. Maybe that
was the old fart’s secret, they still had a youthful sense about them. He would have to consider this possibility and contemplate
the ramifications of such a radical idea.
The platypus continued his musing. Tomorrow would be Wednesday and they had traveled all day long to get this
far. One thing about these trips, quest or whatever one called them, half the fun was the camaraderie they had while making the trek. Every stone Biff tripped over was a delight and when the monkey fell into that mud puddle Sam really had a belly laugh
then. Aw he didn’t relish anyone getting hurt but some good old fashioned fun was ok by him. A sense of humor they had, that
was something to think about.

---

As the sun rose in the east as it always did, the fire smoldered, puffs of smoke floated
as the gentle breeze dictated, the three adventurers woke from their slumber. Sam made his way
to the river, washing his face, taking a drink of the cool fresh liquid then he retrieved a little of the water, in a leather pouch which he carried, to douse the remnants of the camp fire. The contents of his pouch had been left at the campsite until he returned from the river.
In this pouch he at all times carried his Big Book, a few meditation books and snacks, one never knew when one might
get a little hungry. He was a seasoned traveler and always had his pouch on hand.
Everett and Biff both noticed the contents of their companion’s pouch. The Big Book was well worn and the
meditation books as well. Obviously Sam studied these books and wanted recovery as much as they did.
“We are blessed to have such a companion on our travels no matter how gruff he attempts to act.” Biff smiled at
Everett.
“Yea, he’s ok, at first I thought he was a bit stuck up but I can see the fellow has depth and weight about him. We are
fortunate to call him a friend.” The green ogre conceded.
Sam made his way back to the camp and doused the fire, wiped his bag out and put most of his belonging back where
they belonged, he kept out one meditation book. Normally Sam was in a hurry to be off but this morning he didn’t seem as
impatient. The platypus promptly sat down with his Daily Reflections book and began to read out loud to his friends.
The fourth of April, Crying For The Moon is the title and he read on. Biff and Everett obediently sat down also and
listened to his reading. Afterwards they spent the time it took to share their interpretations and thoughts of the reflections laid
out in the book. All agreed true learning has often followed an Eclipse, a darker period in one’s life. One that a person must
struggle through but with this perseverance one achieves much enlightenment and awareness. When they had all shared their views Sam abruptly put the book back in his bag and promptly stood up motioning them it was time to beat feet.
From a sluggish moment of shared words and contemplation to a clipped sudden action of which Sam seemed to be
good at, they were on their way again. From stillness to activity, thought to action the trio made their way down the cobbled road.
As one might gather there was always a time for contemplation but also a time for action. It had been said faith without action
was dead and so maybe this was so true.

---

As the sun neared the midday, shining brightly overhead they sighted the Old Mill on the river bank, paddlewheel
turning as the water rushed through it’s revolutions. Sweetness smelled in the air, the green lush grasses spread throughout,
evidence of Spring creeping into the late frost of winter. They were almost to destination’s end, hopefully the old timers would be
at this meeting today as was their custom from what these travelers had been told.
Everett could be brash and even bold at times, but he felt his legs warble a bit and Biff tended to be a little shy also
when meeting the unknown. It was up to Sam to pounce forward and knock on the heavy wooden door. Three times he knocked
and the faerie had said, if in doubt knock once more. This he did with more force and determination.
To their surprise Sir Earl the Eagle met them at the threshold smiling as he welcomed them into the meeting place.
Also in attendance were Simon the Owl, two heavy set monkeys and a tiger of a beautiful color scheme. The tiger was licking at
the birthday cake on the table when no one seemed to be watching.
“Glad you could come, Biff, Everett and Sam we are happy you made our little meeting on such a day as this.” Sir
Earl seemed genuinely delighted.
“Well we heard there might be a meeting here and are eager to learn as much about sobriety as we can.” Biff offered,
he was truly humble and had a feeling of gratitude, to be at this meeting.
The gruffer looking monkey which was also a bit bigger then the other happened to be Glen B., the other of course was
Kevin D. Glen without hesitation blared out in his usual nice manner.
“Well you worthless pukes were almost late for the meeting and I don’t like that one bit. Consider yourselves lucky
you made it on time.” He definitely cared about newcomers but had a hard time showing it at times.
Sam was getting a bit hot under the collar, that is if he had been wearing a collar of some sort which he wasn’t.
Everett noticed this and put a rather large cumbersome hand on his shoulder, holding him back. Hissing at him to keep his cool.
The other roundish monkey tended to notice such things, and knew his friend Glen had a knack for causing such
reactions in people, tried to be a buffer of sorts.
“Three new members, great. We are really fortunate to have you at our meeting and on a day such as this. Come sit
down and join us, today is David’s Birthday.” He pointed at the tiger still licking at the frosting on the cake. “Our tiger friend
has fourteen years today and we are helping him celebrate.” The globular monkey with wispy hair, as old as his gruff friend Glen
next to him, chuckled as he spoke seeming to enjoy everything about life.
Kevin calmed Sam a bit with his generous words and he proceeded to find himself a chair at the table. Biff and
Everett followed their friend and sat down as well. David hadn’t noticed the hullabaloo so busy getting his sweet fix but
eventually was called upon to welcome the new creatures.
“David, hey David would you quit licking your chops long enough to welcome our new members to this group.”
Kevin said this jocularly but with decisiveness.
The tiger paused from his endeavor, raised his head and noticed three new members in the group. He shamefacedly
wiped his mouth with a huge paw and then swiped the paw on his flank.
“Oh, Hi there. Glad you could make the meeting today. I’m David, glad to meet you guys.” His eyes wondered
back at the cake as if it might try to get away from him if he didn’t watch it.
If he didn’t keep an eye on the luscious morsel someone might steal it even, he thought, but then again they were in an
“AA” meeting. Surely no one would nab his sugar supply. He wondered if he would have to share some of it with these new
guys. It was bad enough the eagle, owl and two monkeys were there but now three more showed up.
He couldn’t really resent the first for after all they did bring the cake but these new guys were a different story. Heck
they hadn’t brought anything to the party, why did he have to share with them. Darn it, his sponsor always said one should share but surely he didn’t mean his birthday cake, that was asking too much.
David noticed the platypus had a leather pouch on him, maybe he had brought another cake as well. Hm, he’d have
to act kindly toward him just in case this guy had some sweets on him. The things he did for sweets, such was his life.
Simon the Owl started the meeting in the usual manner and all recited the Serenity Prayer. David acknowledged his
14 years of sobriety receiving a coin from the chairman and then was asked to tell some of his story. Glen seeing David was
having a problem concentrating finally took the cake out of the room so the tiger could focus on recovery during the meeting.
Kevin suggested to David he should wipe the slobber from his jaws, in front of the tiger the wooden table was
saturated in dribble, the poor animal was a sight to see. Eventually David composed himself enough to relate how he had stayed sober for such a great length of time.
Each in turn talked of their first step to a degree and how they had made it into the doors of “AA”. As the meeting
went along, Sam and his two friends began to realize the old gruff monkey Glen was not such a bad guy after all. He shared some
of his story with them and they understood the commonality they had with one another.
To Everett’s and his friend’s surprise Simon the Owl was an ancient old timer as well as Earl the Eagle. Now he
understood why they always understood him and had such wise suggestions for him when he first started out on the road of
recovery.
Biff was elated to be in a room where so much sobriety flourished. He marveled at how these guys with long time
sobriety didn’t mind telling of their faults, fears and how they attempted to overcome them. He listened as Kevin told them he
liked for members to understand right off the bat that he was not perfect. How he loved life in sobriety and wanted them to have
the same experience.
Sam’s chip on his shoulder had all but dissolved the more he listened to these guys share their experience, strength and
hope. As more was explained to him, he understood when those came in late, they were disruptive to a meeting and so therefore it
was always best to try and be on time. The old fat monkey, Glen had only been trying to give them a lesson best learned in the
beginning before a bad habit got started.
The more the platypus listened to these guys he realized they were only attempting to be helpful, even if at times their
words came across harsh. To save another from an alcoholic death or a long lingering drunken life was their main purpose.
Sometimes the methods could be brash, rough and uncouth but the intent was well meaning and had it’s purpose.
As each shared their stories, David dreamed of his cake in the next room, at times he would catch a word here and
there but often times not. The chocolate, sugary brown substance, with the creamy dark colored frosting dripping down it’s sides made his mouth water once again. Oh if only this damn meeting would end so he could taste the delectable, yummy morsels. At times he actually thought he could smell the aroma beckoning him to rush into the other room and attack without mercy.
Tigers could be unmerciful when on a hunt, maybe he would show them all what it was to capture a chocolate cake in
his massive jaws. Ripping the inner sweets from it’s belly as he swaggered his head from side to side, the sweet juices oozing down
his hungry throat. His thoughts and dreams were interrupted by a distant voice it seemed.
“David————-HEY David. It’s time for the Lord’s Prayer. Stand up and join us will you?” Embarrassingly he
leaped to his feet sticking a paw in a creatures hand on each side of him. Finally at last we will get to eat cake he thought.
He still wondered if he would have to share with the three newcomers.
Biff, Everett and Sam were learning quickly how old and new in the program were still equal creatures walking this
earth one step at a time as everyone else in the forest must do. True some may have been on the path longer and could show one
the pot holes and share some of their experience but they were no better or worse then the newest member in a group. That was a good thought, all attended meetings to help one another putting no one above the rest but rather they should walk on even ground.
Suddenly their was a growl and shriek from the tiger. All heard him as he rushed in leaps and bounds to the other
room, screeching.
“Last one to the cake is out of luck.”

THE END
04APR10